


Belong To The World

by ladywrangler



Category: Nogizaka46 (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 05:22:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20633777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladywrangler/pseuds/ladywrangler
Summary: Nishino Nanase has no choice but to let go of the one that she loves most.





	Belong To The World

“How is Maiyan doing?”

Takayama Kazumi can hear Nishino Nanase’s soft voice break the silence in the room, as she sits across the younger woman in the hospital room.

She clenches her jaw tightly upon seeing how Nanase looks so optimistic after her resolve to break away from her now, ex-girlfriend.

“Are you hungry?” She diverts the topic, knowing that the younger woman would only get hurt if she told her the truth.

Nanase shakes her head, gripping onto the blanket sheets tightly. Takayama sighed as she got up to retrieve an apple and a paring knife from her over-bed table, peeling the fruit for the younger woman.

“I miss Maiyan.” Nanase’s voice pauses, waiting for something to respond to her. Her hands wander around the over-bed table, searching for a pencil and paper to scribble on.

Nanase is blind.

She can hear footsteps approaching her again, the sound of something shuffling in front of her. Her hand is opened, and a pencil is placed in her dominant hand, her left hand is held up and placed down again, the sensation of the teak table now replaced with a rough texture.

“Thank you, Kazumin.” She smiles, looking slightly off to the left although Takayama has already sat back down in her chair.

“You’re welcome, Naachan.” Takayama pursed her lips then, knowing that the woman would sketch messily on the paper and often accidentally onto the table–quietly expressing her feelings.

“So…have you heard from Maiyan?” She asks again, hoping that her friend will answer something different from before–but the reply is always the same.

“No.”

-

It was only weeks ago, that she learned that she was diagnosed with meningiomas, a brain tumor after complaining about frequent headaches, her vision becoming hazy and slightly out of breath moments when she was going on with her day, with Mai by her side.

“As you can see here, Nishino-san–this huge white spot near your occipital lobe,” the doctor’s index finger points to the CT scan on the screen, “–indicates that your vision will likely be greatly affected if we were to perform surgery now.”

“What? Are you saying she’ll go blind?!” Takayama asks, her mind completely disarrayed by the sudden assumption. The younger woman’s best friend had came along, accompanying her for the time being as they worked together.

However, this meant a huge change in Nanase’s lifestyle–it would put not only her current job and living conditions in jeopardy, but her relationships as well.

The doctor gave a nod, “That’s right. There’s a very, very low chance that the tumor would be successfully removed without affecting your vision. So, in preparation–it would be best to start getting used to your own surroundings, by practicing using the rest of your senses.”

Nanase’s hands clenched onto her thighs then.

How could she break the news to Mai, now that she was at risk of becoming blind?

It was the hardest decision she had to make in her life, but she chose to end their relationship–it was truly for the best. She couldn’t bear to become a burden to her girlfriend who was hardworking, passionate and loving–the strongest and most beautiful woman she knew, who meant the world to her.

It was time to let go of her.

Right before her surgery, Nanase made sure that Takayama would secretly clear out her personal belongings and items in the apartment that was shared between her and Mai.

“Thank you, Kazumin.”

Takayama hears it for the nth time, knowing that the younger woman truly meant it every time–from the deepest corner of her heart, she hated hearing it.

She chose to carry the burden of hiding Nanase’s biggest secret from Mai and those around her, because it was the only wish that Nanase had for her. And she decided to respect it.

Nanase saw her phone vibrate, seeing that Mai was calling her for the nth time. She had been ignoring her calls for the past few days–and this would be the only time she chose to pick up the phone.

_“–Nanase! Where the hell are you? Where have you been–Where are your things?!”_

Mai’s voice screams into her ear, but Nanase doesn’t care–this will be the last time that she’ll ever be able to hear her voice again.

“Mai. I’m breaking up with you.”

“_W-What?_” Mai’s voice cracks at that moment, “_What are you saying now? Stop playing games with me, Nanase_.”

“I’m serious. This is the last time I’ll ever talk to you,” Nanase’s throat tightens up, knowing well that Takayama could hear their conversation, her eyes clearly filled with tears.

There was a brief pause before Mai spoke again.

“_Nanase. A-Are you–have you been cheating on me?_”

Nanase swallows her saliva then, wondering if this was what Mai had been doubting her for all this time.

“Yes. I’ve been cheating on you this whole time. I have a new lover–that’s why I left.”

The sound of Mai’s sobs can be heard, forcing Nanase to bite her tongue from crying as well. Her tears rolled down her cheek, quickly wiping them as she could hear Mai’s breath from the other end of the call.

“_I-I see. Farewell, Nanase._”

Nanase doesn’t reply then, as it’s too painful for her to give her last goodbye to her, and the phone line goes dead after that.

“…I’m still here,” Nanase says to herself, as Takayama silently walked up to her and took the phone from her, now leaning down to engulf her into a tight hug. Her tears rolled down her cheek, falling onto the back of Nanase’s hand which was no longer clenching tightly on her blanket.

“I’m doing fine.”

-

As she was in the hospital, she made sure to keep the discovery of her brain tumor to herself and Takayama–making sure that it wouldn’t affect anyone else.

Nanase wondered if what she was doing, was the right choice. Her heart ached for Mai, hoping that the older woman was doing fine on her own.

“Can we go outside for a fresh breath of air?” She asks, before sensing Takayama’s feet shuffling around her, reaching out to help her onto her feet.

“Sure,” the older woman smiles as she can see that Nanase looks more optimistic lately–only because she had something else in mind.

_I want to see Maiyan._

-

Mai looks at her phone for the nth time–it’s been weeks since she had broken up with Nanase. Her thumb hovers over Nanase’s phone number, hesitating to press the delete button.

“Maiyan.” A voice calls out for her–it’s Matsumura Sayuri, her current girlfriend who recently proposed for an engagement. It seemed too fast–but as she wasn’t young anymore, she decided to go forward with it.

Nanase was moving on with her life, leaving her behind without looking back.

“What are you up to?” Sayuri peers over Mai’s phone, but the older woman was quick to delete the number in a hurry and closed her screen.

“Nothing. It was just an advertisement call.”

“I see–well, I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me?”

Sayuri looks at her hopefully, smiling as the brunette quickly nodded without word before getting out of her work desk and tided it up before she walked out the door, her hand intertwined with Sayuri’s.

Nanase had left a huge gap in her heart–and nothing could fill it.

_Why? Why did she leave me? Who was her secret lover?_

The Nanase that she knew, wouldn’t abandon her without notice–she was sure that Nanase wouldn’t have the time to see someone when they spent countless hours together, living in the same apartment, shared the same bed and meals, giggling as they brushed their teeth beside each other.

_What went wrong?_

_-_

“Welcome to your new home, Naachan.”

Takayama smiles as Nanase held onto her arm tightly, before cautiously walking forward to feel out the place. She’s been to Takayama’s place for years–but this time, it was different. She could sense how some things were familiar as she remembered–the warm room temperature, the scent of fabric softener in the air, but a hollowness in her vision.

After a week of learning the uses of a white cane through diligent training and practice, Nanase was able to figure out her surroundings and when to stop if she sensed an obstacle in front of her or nearby.

“Be careful, you already know there’s a staircase to your right.” Takayama warns her, hoping that Nanase can adjust to the living space in front of her.

Living together was a quick decision to make at once, and suited the younger woman the most as she couldn’t live on her own now that she was blind.

Nanase smiled, slowly reaching out to touch the wall, feeling the bumps and trailed along the hallway after she managed to pass through the entrance with the older woman’s help.

She can get used to this.

-

As the weeks went by slowly, Nanase steadily began learning to read morse code on her own, after settling down and holed up in Takayama’s apartment all day.

The older woman would buy her pastries, delicious food through takeouts and toiletries as needed, hoping that Nanase wouldn’t be lonely at home while she was at work.

“I’ll be back at five-thirty, Naachan. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need me, okay?”

Nanase was given a special phone that hung from her neck, its basic functions used to immediately contact Takayama or the emergency number if she encountered any troubles.

“Okay.”

As Takayama worked in the Financial District, she often passed by restaurants and bars, hot spots for tourists among the busy business center–this was the same place that Mai was also working at.

Nanase decided that it was time for her to traverse the outside world again–it was suffocating to be inside all day with nothing to do but sit around and listen to music or sketch onto a notebook.

_I need to learn quickly and move out, so I don’t become a burden on Kazumin either._

She carefully takes a step outside the door to Takayama’s apartment and takes a deep breath before deciding to go forward, determined to travel on the bus and make it back before the younger woman could find out.

She flicks out her white cane and makes sure that the length feels right for her, before marching on–searching for the bus stop.

Along the way, she can feel the rocky pavements and recognize the sound of birds chirping and the voices of children happily giggling as they ran by her–she was certain that she was nearby a park.

She smiled to herself, enjoying her stroll as she managed to find the bus stop.

This was something that she missed the most–the sound of _life_.

-

Nanase hears the bus announce its’ stop, nearby 4th Street and Market–at the Financial District. The familiar sound of loud chattering and cars bustling as she gets off, makes her feel slightly dizzy as she hadn’t adjusted to the surrounding without her vision now. She’s been here many times–she just needs to get used to not seeing it in vivid colors.

_It’s okay._

_-_

Mai smiled as she and Sayuri were now together, out for lunch–they were planning to make time for a quick bite at a restaurant nearby, when Sayuri wanted to eat outside with her.

“Here’s your menu.” The waiter bows as he takes his leave, ensuring that the two were comfortable with their seats and surrounding area.

“What should we order? Clam Chowder?”

Sayuri’s eyes lightened up at the sound of it–Mai laughs as she knows how the younger woman can eat a whole course for lunch without batting an eye.

“Sounds good with me.” She smiles, enjoying the view of people strolling outside, moving on with their day in the busy streets.

Just then, Mai’s eyes furrow as she notices an oddly familiar presence approaching her unknowingly. Her heart dropped then as she realized that it was who she thought–it was _Nanase_.

There was something off about her–the way that she was walking was the first thing she noticed, as if she was staggering for a moment. She got onto her feet, getting Sayuri’s attention as she followed along.

The white cane.

_It couldn’t be that…_

“What’s wrong, Mai?”

Mai doesn’t answer her, instead her eyes keep still onto Nanase’s familiar physique unknowingly passing by them.

“N-Nanase?”

Nanase hears Mai’s voice calling her from a far, standing right outside of an Italian bistro, with Sayuri. She clenches her white cane tightly, thinking that she must be overthinking it due to her worries.

However, Nanase doesn’t know that Mai can seeing her, and that she’s engaged now.

_Am I hearing things?_

Nanase panics for a moment as she thought she had heard Mai’s voice calling for her again, as she used her white cane to check if it was fine for her to cross the street.

“Nanase!” Mai’s voice is heard loud and clear, as she realizes that she was in danger.

Everything that Takayama did for her sake, would mean nothing if she was caught now.

_No! I have to go._

Her white cane had missed the sidewalk bumps, instead she quickly stumbled over and fell to the ground, her head hitting the pavement and felt her elbow sting in pain.

“Ouch!”

She hissed, quickly crawling around on all fours to find her white cane, which had rolled off a few feet away from her in the distance.

People only passed by, looking at Nanase who was desperately feeling out her surroundings on the dirt ground.

Mai quickly picks up her pace, running to Nanase–realizing that the younger woman was here. And it struck her at once–that she was _blind_.

“Nanase–”

Her throat dried up, unable to say another word as Nanase pulled her hand away from her once she had helped her onto her feet. Her head began to throb in pain after she had fallen down earlier.

“Stay away from me.”

The cold tone in her voice could be heard–but it was of no use. Mai knew then–that Nanase was not as heartless as she made herself sound through their break up on the phone.

“N-No,” Mai desperately grabbed onto Nanase’s hand, trying to keep a hold of the younger woman from pulling away from her.

“Y-You’re not okay–”

Tears began to form at her eyes, seeing how her ex-lover was in a pitiful state suddenly and doing all in her power, to run from her again.

Sayuri furrows her brows as she saw how Mai’s eyes looked at the blind woman in front of her. She quickly pulled out her phone instead, calling for an ambulance.

“Mai. I’ll call for an ambulance, we can send her to the hospital.”

The sudden intrusion of Sayuri’s voice surprises Nanase, as she starts to realize that she’s not in the right place.

_I have to leave. Kazumin will get mad at me._

“No–don’t call for one. I’m fine–” She quickly grabs the phone around her neck and feels the button, finding the one that was linked to Takayama.

“H-Hello? Kazumin?”

Nanase tries to call the older woman, but the phone wouldn’t pick up for some reason. Of all times that she was able to call the older woman, it was now that she wasn’t available. She cursed her bad luck, life just couldn’t go right in her way once.

Blood trickles down the side of her head–and before she knows it, her mind falls unconscious. The last thing she heard, was Mai’s voice screaming at her, shaking her by the shoulder to stay with her.

“_Nanase!_”

-

Nanase woke up–but she has no idea where she’s at. She lifted her hand up to feel her head, realizing that she may be in the hospital after all.

“Naachan! You’re awake!” Takayama’s voice immediately struck her at once, as she tried to turn her head towards the direction of the older woman.

She suddenly remembered that Mai was possibly chasing after her, and that she had passed out by her side. It almost felt like a fever dream–perhaps it was.

“I…” She kept silence to herself, remembering how clear Mai’s voice was echoing in her head before she lost conscious.

_Nanase!_

She decided to push that aside, trying to carefully word her sentence as of to not anger the older woman.

“Is…uh, _she_ here?”

“What?”

“N-Nothing.” She turned her head and clenched her fists tightly.

It was as she had thought–Mai wasn’t there. It was just her mind playing tricks with her after all.

But little did she know, Mai had been standing there in the room, keeping quiet as of to not disturb the younger woman after she had woken up.

Seeing her in such a painful state, Mai watched as Nanase only kept mum to herself–there was no doubt, this was still the woman that she truly loved.

Her body ached to run towards her and gulf her into a warm hug before whispering sweet nothings in her ear to keep her at her side.

-

“How long are you going to pretend that you’re not here?” Takayama asks straight up as they’re sitting in the hallway of the hospital, getting a cup of coffee while Nanase is sleeping in her room.

“…I don’t know,” Mai honestly answered, as she hadn’t been properly sleeping for the past two days. Instead, she spent her time watching Nanase quietly smile to herself as she was listening to music.

It was painful, being unable to say something at that moment–she couldn’t bear to break the silence, trying to find the right moment to do anything at all. But it was impossible. It was unpredictable, what Nanase would do if she found out that she was here all along.

_Nanase–what are you thinking about, that makes you smile so much?_

“I…knew I shouldn’t have let her go so easily–but now that she’s blind, it’s tearing me apart to see her like this.”

Takayama shakes her head as she stood up in front of Mai, placing her hand on her shoulder then.

“I want to tell you this then. If it hurts so much, why won’t you leave Nanase now? She’s been trying her hardest to forget you, and you’re engaged to someone else.”

Mai’s throat was stuck then–it wasn’t fair for her to be the only one that was happy after their relationship had ended. It wasn’t fair for Sayuri, who was waiting patiently after she watched Nanase’s body being brought to the ER. It wasn’t fair for her to choose between the two.

And she would have done the same, if she was in Nanase’s shoes.

Her mind was made up then–she looked up at Takayama, her eyes showing that she had already made up her mind then. She would only follow where her heart believed was right.

“I know what I want to do.”

-

Takayama sighed as she looked at how Nanase seemed to spend her time doing nothing but listening to music, now that she was free from the hospital again.

“Nanase. Promise me you won’t do anything rash like that, _ever_ again.” She sternly spoke, as Nanase nodded obediently like a child.

It broke her inside, to see how Nanase was living–trapped inside her room all day, what could she do to lighten up the world of her friend?

She turned to Mai with a small nod, before clearing her throat.

“Naachan.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t get mad at me. But this is for your own happiness.”

“What?” Nanase couldn’t understand, what was happening now that she promised not to wander out of the house without someone supervising her.

“I’m going to step out now,” Takayama declared as she gestured for Mai to come inside the room.

Nanase couldn’t see what was happening in front of her, but she was sure that there was someone else in the room, and it wasn’t Takayama.

Her throat tightened up–it wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible. Takayama had sworn to her after she had gotten out of the hospital weeks ago.

The atmosphere of the room changed drastically. She could sense it–that the older woman was here. The familiar scent from the older woman–it was without doubt, that she was standing _there_.

“…M-Mai?”

Her voice was shaking, unable to comprehend what was going on–she was scared of everything around her. The world in her eyes was pitch black–what else could she look forward to now?

Mai silently cried to herself, knowing that Nanase could recognize her–they had spent days, months and years together. Even after she was blind–she could still tell that it was her.

She silently walked towards her, seeing how Nanase had flinched upon her hand grasping tightly onto hers, her hands were warm.

“I m-missed you so m-much.”

Her voice cracked, unable to say another word as Nanase wasn’t able to do anything else–her mind shell-shocked from the sudden arrival of the older woman that she loved from the bottom of her heart.

“W-Why?” She whispered, feeling Mai’s hands holding onto hers tightly before placing them on her face. She couldn’t bear doing anything else that could break the fragile relationship that they had now.

Nanase could feel the fine shape of her jaw, her thumb softly stroking her cheek as she slowly leaned forward. Mai missed the touch of Nanase’s familiar calloused fingers.

Nanase stopped touching her face then–her heart swelling as she could only weep as Mai had lifted her head up to place a kiss on her forehead then.

“Because I can’t live without you…and neither can you.”

**Author's Note:**

> it be like dat


End file.
